Cool Thing!

Have a look at this, then tell me you dont want one!! Well worth a watch until the end. 

Post Office Scum Mk2

So it seems not only are the folks on this side of the counter the only stupid pricks in the building.So I go in (after standing for another 15 minutes with the pond scum that resides in there) and ask if their travel insurance covers one way trips. The lady goes away and says “I dunno, best have a look in this book”, so she fishes out a leaflet. After a minute of flicking through the manual she says “oooo I cant find it, best ring this number or have a look online”. So now I tell her that the online page for the travel insurance has 2 DIFFERENT sets of terms and conditions, one that tells me its ok for one way travel, one that tells me its not. She replies “oooooo yeah…..they can never get it right online, can they” WHAT? Are you fucking kidding me? ITS THE SAME FUCKING COMPANY YOU WITCH! So now Im left with the only remaining option – to ring them AGAIN. I already rang them yesterday and they told me “dont worry, the one that tells me its ok for one way travel is the right one”. Right. Thanks. How reassuring – there is plain black and white legally binding text on the screen, telling me to tick a box to say that its NOT valid one way, and its now superseeded by some thick-ass phone jockey who says dont worry – bunch of fucking ingrates. So there you go – to all you dim, mentally challenged dole scum out there, if you DO want to get a job, get one at the post office – it seems you’ll fit right in with the rest of the thickies!

Thanks god games have moved on!

Dont ask me how, but I just stumbled upon this “awesome” video for the old Jurassic Park arcade lightgun game. Look…Worthy mention goes to the frantic samba beat music and the simple game premise of you driving around Jurassic Park, SHOOTING all of the Dinosaurs – this is Dinocide! But if you cant be bothered to watch the whole thing, skip to these bits for highlights!1:50 – Hear the blood curdling death throes as you viciously cut down hordes of Gallimimus. You could almost be there!6:30 – Seeeeeee the awesome-ness of you using a dinosaur as a ramp!!! surely the greatest videogame moment of all time!9:15 – Gasp as you see the life changing realism of a T-rex trying to jump over a hole in the ground…..and failing!13.25 – Watch in horror as you drive through your office only to be attacked by upside down Velociratpors on the ceiling, flocks of Pterodactyls, millions of those spitty frilly dinosaurs and about 12 Triceratops. 15:55 – See the awful game design, as the player was obviously intended to kill the t-rex by this point in the level. So they have come up with the fantastic game dynamic of having the t-rex trap its prey against a gate, then attack it, only to run away. then….attack it again…..run away…….attack it again – genius!16:55 – Laugh with Alan Grant and that woman who was in it, as both of these revered paleontologists, joke next to the still warm corpse of the t-rex theyve just murdered! I was waiting for them to cut out its heart and eat it!Awesome!!!

I hate people!

The truth is slowly starting to dawn on me….I hate the public. I had 2 simple tasks that involved interaction with the public today; Go to the post office to post a couple of parcels, and catch the bus. Turn up at the post office – full of dole scum! Despite the fact that it has one of those annoying “rats in a maze” style zig-zag queuing barriers thingies, the line was still out the door and onto the pavement. As I held back the rising chunks, I decided to give it a go. What a stupid decision – after 10 minutes of waiting with the dolies, the queue had moved 2 about a metre. Probably because they were all ill educated chavs who dont work…or bathe – god the stink in there was horrendous. So….fuck that, I’ll get the bus instead. Well, after waiting 20 minutes I’ll get the bus (whos incredulous timtetable simply states it will arrive “every few minutes” – thanks fucking very much!). Bus eventually turns up and the orderly queue that existed at the bus stop degenerated into a Primark Sale type free-for-all. And because the bus is late, its pretty full. And because the bus is late every stop on its route has at least half a dozen folks who want to get on. Now, Im a tall chap and cant sit facing forwards in the seats – I have to sit kind of diagonal on because of my long legs. Still, doesnt stop the pricks who sit next to me from looking at me (and probably tutting themselves to death, but seeing as I wear my headphones to block out teh shit rap music coming from  the back of this bus playing through somebody’s “awesome” non-tinny mobile phone, I couldnt say). So what am I supposed to do, fucking take my legs off? Kneel on the floor? Twats. I really dont know if its just Kings Heath that suffers from these sub-human scum. Is it Birmingham, or England? Either way I wont have to put up with these shits any longer. 

Fuckwit Update!

Now some total cock has bought my item, but then emailed me to say his son bought it in error, can he have a refund?!? Complete fucking prick!!! Got my refund but now got ebay dispute payment form crap to fill in. Bloody waste of time. 

Bloody Sun!!!

See the suns fingers…..well they reach down, through the skies, down to Kings Heath, through my window and cover the TV screen! Im sitting here with a lovely copy of Bioshock to run through, less than 2 weeks of playing left until we move, and all I can see is the bloody sun on my screen! It really is too late in the day for curtains/blinds so I reckon its time to pin a sheet over the window – this torture cant go on much longer! Bring back floods – at least I can play my game then – and the abundance of water would surely add to the atmosphere.

 In other news – its been a week of lasts. Last time at the Sanctuary, last time going shopping, last day of having our car. And in less than a week, last time we see all our friends too. Ah well, what you gonna do? Look at news stuff to buy, thats what. TV’s, phones, home cinema setups, cars – its all good! 

Trapped in Closet = Genius!!!

I didnt think anything could get close to how good the 1st Trapped in the Closet was, but this is equally as superb! I have no idea if its meant to be intentionally crap, but its so bad its fucking hilarious! Honestly, if you want to hear R Kelly singing ” If you stick your head out the window a pigeons gonna shit on your face” (Im serious!!!) you gotta see this. That and R Kelly wanting to shoot 2 women cos they are lesbians are the highlights. 10/10!!!

A can of soup, a meal in itself

I 

WANT

THIS!

This guy made it off his own bat! Look!

The Bourne Ultitmatum

Caught the Bourne Ultimatum last night at a preview screening. If youre a fan of the first 2 films, you wont be disappointed. Id go as far to say that even if youve never seen the first 2 films, watch them and then go to see it. You’d still probably enjoy it if your hadnt seen the previous 2, but it makes more sense if you have. Its also got probably the most viscous and visceral fight scene Ive ever scene – it just looks mean! I’m going to try to remain in this rather upbeat mood, but I really cant see it lasting seeing as I have (potentially) 2 house viewings today. I’d put money on at least one of these sorry fuckers not turning up.  

erm……stuff!

A nice quiet day today (which surely is wrong considering we’ve only got 25 more days in England!). Cancelled more gubbins for when we leave. Had a look for more jobs, but not really anything that appeals. Well….not yet anyway. Give it another few weeks and I’ll apply for anything!Games stuff (for anyone interested….I guess youre the only one Andrew!). Finished The Darkness game, and started the Bioshock demo. To anyone who has a 360 or a PC, get the demo now and play what could possibly be the best game of the year. Amazing stuff. Yet another day goes by where folks who are meant to show up to have a house viewing FAIL to do so. But I’m not so mad today as the estate agents had to deal with it. 

Estate Agents = Pond Filth

What the fuck is it with this “breed” of sub-human scum and idiot housebuyers? First we were supposed to have a viewing at 10am this morning, which was then cancelled. Then, the muppets ring me just as Im about to leave the house (to visit solicitors for emigration stuff)  and tell me there is a woman in the office who wants to….well…heres how it went.Stupid Fucking Estate Agent Representing A  Stupid Fucking Housebuyer: Hello Mr Hickinbottom, its Fuckface at Bairstow Eves. We have a woman in the office who wants to come around now to view your house. Me: Well I was about to pop out. Can she make it first thing tomorrow. S.F.E.A.R.A.S.F.H.: No. She can come around tonight at 7.30?Me: My parents are coming around tonight. How about Friday morning first thing?S.F.E.A.R.A.S.F.H.: No. Can she come around Saturday?Me: No. Ive got friends down on Saturday. Look, if she really wants to see it now, I’ll stay in for half hour or so, but then i REALLY have to go out. S.F.E.A.R.A.S.F.H.: Ok she will be over in 5 minutes. Queue me frantically tidying the house up, washing up, quick going over with the dustbuster, washing away etc….. then the phone ringsS.F.E.A.R.A.S.F.H.: Hello Mr Hickinbottom, its Shithead at Bairstow Eves again. the woman now said she cant make it right now after all. I’ll rearrange it for next week. Bye. WTF!?!?! Why do I even bother with these cretinous retards? Its probably just as well she didnt come around – if she cant be bothered keeping a timing schedule then she doesnt deserve my house. Useless slag!

Scary!

Well, everything seems a bit more real now. Having seen all of Beccas family (except ma and pa) for the last time, we’ve just booked the tickets for our emigration flight. Now its all set in stone, its bloody frightening! Flying Emirates from Birmingham, 9:30pm flight on Saturday September the 8th. So 1 month to go!!!! And a shitload of stuff to get done in between! Next step = aussie bank account, next step = book the removals people. Well at least this blog will be going to catalogue my stress for you all to mock me with! 

Good News Everyone!!!!

WE GOT OUR VISAS THROUGH!!!! woop woop wup wup wup wup!

Bad news for Chavs

So, grand theft auto 4’s been put back to 2008. Cant say I really care – san andreas bored the arse off me at some points. and gta4 looked like more of the same.gta:sa – stereotypical hip hop black dudes + stereotypical down-trodden ruskies + spangly next gen graphics = gta 4. still get the same army of cretins buying it, saying stuff like “this is well good” and “sweet”. Looks like they’ll have to think of something else to shoplift this christmas. Be interesting to see how gta goes down with the aussies. I wonder if chavs exist over there? and what about hoodies – surely not! too hot for them I reckon. However, its fair to say that mentalists exist in australia. Except they have the common sense to send them over here!